Choosing an Engagement Ring Together
A quarter of the people who take our quiz are choosing a ring together. Here's the way we'd suggest going about it, and what to do if it's meant to be a surprise.
Should you choose an engagement ring together?
Many couples do. Choosing together means the person wearing the ring gets exactly what they love, and it takes the guesswork out of size and style. Many couples still keep one element of surprise: they choose the ring together, and let the proposal itself be unexpected.
Four steps to choosing together
1. Three things each. Separately, each of you writes down three things the ring must be: "something I'll never take off", "not white", "at home with the rest of my jewellery". Then trade lists. Most couples find they agree on more than they expected.
2. Consider the set, not a single ring. Decide early whether you're choosing the engagement ring alone, or the ring and wedding band together. Designed as a pair, they sit perfectly against each other for life. Our bridal ring sets are made that way.
3. Be honest about daily life. Whose hands work harder? Who trains? The ring has to live the wearer's life, not the photograph. Our alternative engagement ring guide will help you match a stone to it.
4. Choose three, then wait a day. Each choose three pieces and look for the overlap. If there isn't one, look at what the six share, whether a shape, a stone or a mood. That's your answer, even if the exact ring is one we haven't made yet.
Choosing a ring as a surprise
Style. Study what they already wear. Silver or gold? Substantial or fine? Every day, or only sometimes? Their existing jewellery is the best clue you have.
Stone. If you're unsure, a salt and pepper diamond or black moissanite suits nearly every dark aesthetic and is durable enough for daily wear.
Timing. Every piece is made to order, so allow five to six weeks.
How to find their ring size secretly
- Borrow a ring they wear on the right finger. Trace the inside edge on paper, or press it into soap, and compare it with our Ring Size Guide.
- Ask someone close to them, such as a friend or family member who can find out without raising suspicion.
- Compare with your own hand. Slip one of their rings onto your finger and note where it stops.
- When in doubt, size slightly up. A ring that's a little loose is easier to live with than one that won't go on.
Frequently asked questions
Is it okay to choose an engagement ring together?
Absolutely. Many couples do, and it means the ring is exactly what the wearer wants.
Should the engagement ring and wedding band match?
They don't have to, but choosing them together ensures they sit comfortably side by side. A bridal set is designed to fit perfectly.
How much should we spend on an alternative engagement ring?
There's no rule. Decide on a range together, and whether it includes the wedding band, before you start browsing.
How can I find out someone's ring size without asking?
Borrow a ring they wear on the same finger and trace its inside edge, or ask a close friend to help. Our Ring Size Guide shows how to convert it to a size.
Can you help us choose?
Yes. Contact us with the pieces you're considering. We'll advise on stone, size and timing, and tell you which we'd choose.
Related reading: How Long Does a Made-to-Order Ring Take? · Custom Ring Options